My Valentine

I’m so blessed to have a wonderful, sweet, thoughtful husband. He’s always trying to help me and make me happy.

The anniversary of our first date is Valentine’s day. We met 11 years ago in a Preparation for Celestial Marriage class in college. He got my number from the devotional sign-up list–he was our class representative. He called me when I wasn’t home and thought he was talking to my mom, but in reality he was talking to my younger brother who hadn’t developed a manly voice yet. lol I called him back when I got home from work that night. I was surprised that he’d called because I’d only been ask+ed out by a couple of guys up to that point. I’d been losing a lot of weight at the time, so I shouldn’t have been so shocked…I don’t think I’m ugly, just not as pretty as I think I could be. :P

I agreed to go with him to his Stake Valentine’s Dance. The dance had a 50′s theme, so I wore my black felt poodle skirt that I’d had since I was in 6th grade. He came to the door with a huge vase of flowers. It was so pretty! I wasn’t expecting that at all, just a quick introduction to my parents and off to the dance. I’d never had flowers from anyone, except my own father. I of course thanked him for the flowers and introduced him to my parents.

Off we went to his car. He’d just purchased that day. It wasn’t anything fancy, just an 1988 Dodge Colt, but it was his free and clear! He wasn’t embarrassed by it. I liked that. On the way to pick me up, the vase had tipped over and spilled a little water on the passenger’s seat. He happened to have something for me to sit on so I didn’t get wet though. He seemed quite confident in himself and just went with the flow–never making a big deal out of such a little thing as spilling water on the seat.

We arrived at the dance and I was a little unsure of myself. I didn’t really know how to dance well, and I’d never been to a dance where I only knew one person who happened to be my date. The music that was playing were all dances I didn’t know with the exception of waltzes and simple two step ones. He had taken ballroom dancing before his mission (in fact, his parents met on the BYU Ballroom Dance Team–so he grew up learning dances). I was a little awkward, but he didn’t seem to mind at all. I just giggled at my mistakes, and he was patient with my learning curve….which seemed oh-so-slow to me.

We sometimes stood on the sides talking while I watched the other adults dance. There were a few young kids there dancing with their parents too. I couldn’t help but watch them. The kids were darling. I mentioned to him that I liked children and to watch people and then asked if he did. He said, without hesitation or embarrassment, “I like to watch you.” Whoa, I had an inclination that he liked me by that point, and his statement just confirmed it. I wasn’t sure what to say to him. He’d been back from his mission to Connecticut only two and a half months, so I knew he was looking for a wife. I acted as if his comment didn’t bother me, and we continued to have a good time. (side note: He was searching hard for a wife. He later told me I was one of two girls he’d gone on a second date with after his mission because he knew by the first one whether the girl was worth pursuing. Glad I was worth it!)

Because the dance was also the 50th Anniversary of the forming of his stake, they also had prizes throughout the evening. They had a sort of “cake walk,” or I should say “dance walk,” where the prizes were things like dinner for two. They were giving out the last couple of prizes when we were able to get in on the game. When the last prize was up for grabs, he won it! It was dinner for two at a local restaurant. He was thinking, “Sweet! Another date!” I agreed to go out with him the following Friday.

Later that night we went to his house and watched a movie I hadn’t seen–IQ. I met one of his sisters who was still awake (he’s the third of seven children), and she wanted to show us her debate outfit her and her mom had just bought for her competition the next day. We then proceeded with watching the movie, and then he took me home.

We talked for a while in the car in front of my home. Then in a moment of silence, he asked if he could kiss me. The thoughts of, “What? Really? What do I do?” flashed across my mind. Then I remembered what my mom had told me, “A gentleman would ask if he could kiss you.” Did I think it was okay? It was only the first date! I did consent, and he kissed me. I felt kind-of awkward, but it was a nice kiss. He then walked me to the door, we said goodnight, and I went inside to go to bed.

Well, Monday rolled around, and Presidents Day gave us a break in school. He didn’t want to wait until Friday to see me again outside of class, so he called and asked if I had plans for the morning because he wanted to take me on a picnic. I agreed to go with him if he made sure I was back in time to go into work that afternoon. It was a cool day, but it was sunny and not too cold. We ate lunch at a park, he drove me home, and I left for work.

We went out that following Friday to dinner and a movie-I think we saw First Contact. We dated the next several weeks. He’d come over for dinner and we’d talk, watch a movie, or play duets on the piano. Things seemed to be getting serious when one Sunday night he called and asked if he could come over to talk. My mom was worried that he was going to propose, but I didn’t sense that. I sensed something wrong.

He came over after dinner, and when everyone else at my home was in bed we kept on talking. Then he told me that he thought we should just be friends. I was taken aback. I had no idea why it was happening, but it was. We agreed that it would still be fun to get together and play duets or something like that, so we arranged for one the following Friday.

We saw each other in Institute class that. I wasn’t exactly cheerful, but I thought I was doing fine. He didn’t see it that way. He said I looked quite sad, though I don’t remember being real sad, just confused.

He came over on Friday night for dinner and a movie. (We watched a lot of movies, it seemed, but it’s funny how I don’t remember most of them at all!) We were cuddly during the movie like we had been before. I was now even more confused since he’d just told me a few days before about wanting to just be friends. I let the cuddling go on because I had come to love him…his humor, kindness, gentlemanly manners, teddybear hugs, but especially his spiritual strength and the honoring of his priesthood.

We sat on the couch after the movie and talked some more. Then silence made a break in the conversation. As I was thinking about what to say next, he suddenly asked me to marry him. Wow! I wasn’t expecting that at all! At this point I was really confused because here we’re supposed to be friends, but then he’s asking me to marry him. I was literally speechless. I could not think of what to say to him. I hadn’t prayed about whether he was “the one,” because I didn’t think I had known him long enough for it even to be a possibility.

After a few minutes of silence, he said that I didn’t need to answer him now, but I could get back to him on it. I felt good about that, and I asked him to fast and pray with me on Sunday so I’d know what to do. (He later told me that he didn’t intend to propose that night, but he felt a strong impression from the Spirit. After all, we’d only dated four weeks to the day. I love that about him…he listens to and follows the promptings he gets, even when they seem strange or unconventional.)

Sunday came and he picked me up to go to his dad’s 50th birthday party. All his aunts and uncles on his dad’s side were there and all his siblings, except his sister who lived in Florida with her family. We all had a good time. When it came to present opening, his family had a tradition of heavy-heavy-hangover where you put the present over the head and say, “Heavy, heavy, hang over thy poor head. What do wish this person (or people) with a bump on the head.” Then you bump the gift on the head and they say their wish. Well, Dh’s dad was expecting pants from his wife, so when Dh’s present of a fishing vest (similar size and shape to pants when wrapped up) was bumped on his head he wished the person “lots of loves and kisses.” He was, of course, thinking it was from his own wife, but Dh and I were beet red and laughing hard because we knew who it was really from. (Needless to say, he got lots of loves and kisses later…after all we’re married!)

After the party we went to Temple Square to walk around. We went on one of the visitor’s center tours about eternal families. I’d been pretty emotional because I hadn’t been sealed to anyone at that point, so the whole tour made me cry. We also went up to see the Christus in the North Visitor’s Center. It was a beautiful night, although it was chilly. After leaving the visitor’s center, we stood outside and looked at the temple.

I was wrestling with what I should tell him. I began crying, and he thought I was going to tell him no. He was gearing up for it when I blurted out, “What are we going to tell my mom?” Huh? Was that a no or a yes?!? He was confused for a brief moment as what I said really sank in. (He didn’t know that my mom had been so worried about me getting married before I finished college, and I knew she’d have quite a few concerns. So, instead of out-right saying yes, I was worried about what to tell her.) Once he realized it was a “Yes” we went blissfully on our way home and the rest is history…

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I have to say that our marriage isn’t perfect, but we’re working on it. We both love and honor each other. I could write about both sides of the story–mushy or painful–but I won’t. I love him for who he is and even though we have our ups and downs, I feel that writing the good about him is a way of honoring him and showing my love and respect for him. No one else needs to know his faults and quirks, just me.

I’ve been listening to a lot of Michael Buble lately, and I found his version of the song, Always on My Mind. (It’s third on my playlist below.) The song makes me want to hold my sweetheart closer and work harder to make sure he’s happy. I never want to get to the point where I realize I didn’t act enough to make him feel loved. We’ve always had such a good relationship. We both work hard at talking our differences out and saying I’m sorry, although I think he’s better at saying I’m sorry than I am. We’ve never had a yelling, screaming fight, ever! We’ve certainly had our moments of silence, but we both can’t stand to go to bed without working things out no matter how late it is.

There is no trying to figure out how to fill his love tank. I know what his love language is. He’s still trying to figure mine out (so am I!). I think I’m high in the words of affirmation and service categories. Even though I’m not sure of exactly what I need to fill my tank, my husband still does an amazing job at making me feel loved. I also try to show him that I love him by serving and helping him to fulfill his call as a husband and father. I enjoy it and look forward to continuing our relationship beyond this life. When all is said and done, we’ll be together forever.

Thanks, honey! I’m so blessed to be your wife. You are and will always be the love of my life. I am grateful everyday that you asked me to be yours forever!