My heart was full today
Most of my family was ill enough to not go to church today, so I went to partake of the sacrament and pay tithing. It was fast Sunday, which meant here were no talks, but testimony bearing by those in the congregation instead. Three babies were blessed, and we had many visiting families. I sat at the back where many of the visitors were. It was a crowded congregation. Many new children graced our meeting with their presence and it made me yearn to have my own family with me. I reflected on my time of life and how it is so fleeting. I committed myself to not getting so frustrated with the children during sacrament meeting, and just enjoy their spirits.
As the time drew near to testimony bearing, I felt prompted to share my own. Now, for anyone who knows me, this is a really hard thing for me to do. I get so nervous in front of a large crowd. When I’m assigned to talk in church, I have to type, print, and read it because I lose my train of thought once I’m on the stand…distractions get me off track easily. So, as the first person got up to bear his testimony as always (he has downs syndrome—yet he has such a steadfast, sweet testimony), I realized that I had no excuse to not get up and bear my own testimony. I had no children with me to worry about. I didn’t have to give a long testimony, just a brief one would suffice…sometimes those are the most impactful. I hadn’t considered the larger crowd…thank goodness!
So, I pondered upon what I’d say, and my thoughts came to family and teaching children the gospel. I silently told Heavenly Father that there would need to be a break first. I sat there after the first testimony and then one of the older primary boys bore his testimony. I began to get nervous. I could tell it would be my time sooner than later. (Isn’t the Spirit amazing?) For some reason, I began to try and distract myself so that if there was a gap in people, I might miss it and not have to do it. Boy, did I know better! I refocused on what was happening. The gap was coming.
I waited…and waited. It was only about a minute, but I KNEW this was the gap I had bargained for. No one else was getting up because Heavenly Father was giving this time to me! I pushed myself off the chair…did I mention I was towards the back of the chapel? It felt as if everyone’s eyes were directly one me…okay, most of them probably were since they were expecting me to speak to them. It was the first time some of them probably ever heard me speak! I was just almost crying by the time I got up on the stand. My heart was full even if it was pounding hard! I knew I was following the prompting I felt from the Spirit.
I bore testimony about the truthfulness of the gospel and that our Savior, Jesus Christ, lives. I spoke of the importance of families and teaching the gospel to our children in our homes. I mentioned how I grew up in a home where I got bits and pieces of truth, but I yearned for more and found it in the gospel of Jesus Christ. I said a few other things about the ward family, prophets, and being grateful to work with the children in Primary. I also mentioned that the parents were doing an amazing job teaching the gospel to their children. That was it! I was done. Although I didn’t say everything I originally wanted and felt a little side-tracked because I was so nervous (did I mention shaky?), I felt so good afterwards…shaky, but good! I only wished my family had been there to hear it. I seriously considered doing it again next month…and I haven’t told myself no! I don’t know what next fast and testimony meeting will bring for me, but I’m surely not going to dismiss the opportunity if I feel inspired to get up again.
I was later thinking about how despite the difficulty I experienced of getting up to share a simple testimony, doing hard things really does make me grow. It’s the seemingly small but right things that help me progress along the path to my Heavenly Father. I know that to be true! I want to do the hard things!
