* GRACE *

The last few weeks…

Some disorganized rambling thoughts of mine –

I’ve been thinking about the last few weeks of pregnancy with my now 5mo since one of my best friends, Tamra, is due with her fourth biological child next week.

I remember how difficult it was to wait for my body to begin labor, especially after a week beyond my due date.  The only people I really wanted to talk to were my best friends and midwife who knew what to say and what not to.   I knew they could sympathize without making me doubt my abilities to birth my baby without medical “help.”  It “seemed” as if everyone else was so concerned that something was going to go wrong.  It “seemed” as if very few people trusted in my ability to receive revelation for myself and my baby (although I do have to say that these people may not have seen it in this light).   I was irked by it all, but I tried to stay happy and calm despite the negative feelings I received from a few people.   The Spirit is what helped me keep my sanity when Satan was working at making me doubt what I knew was right.

David was a tremendous help, but even he began to wonder if all would be well.   He was ready to check me into the hospital at the first day of week 42.   I wasn’t, however.   I have to say, though, that I couldn’t have had such a wonderful experience during and after the birth if he hadn’t been there for me.  He was such a comfort.   Thank you honey!

My midwife, Cathy, was so calm and trusting of me and my body.   She was an extreme calm in my storm of frustration.   She was always reassuring and willing to help or sit back and watch.   She didn’t seem alarmed at anything.   I think she was too kind when she said I was the nicest overdue mom she’d dealt with.   :)

My close friends were also very reassuring and willing to help in any way possible, whether it be babysitting or just lending a listening ear.   I wouldn’t have made it to week 41 if it hadn’t been for their help.   They always knew what I needed to hear to keep me going.

We had difficulties hearing the heartbeat at the beginning of the pregnancy, yet I didn’t feel like I needed an ultrasound.   I knew that homebirth was right for this baby’s birth as well.   I don’t recall a time in any of my other pregnancies where I trusted the Lord so much.   He gave me comfort and uplifted me when I felt at my lowest.   My recent post on Joy would have been a HUGE help at that time.   I understand, now, that I wouldn’t have felt the immense joy I did, had I not felt the deep sorrow.

I guess I should go into more detail as to what I mean…   I went had a whole day of prodromal labor the week before Wendy was born.   My midwife and friends all came over, but despite our efforts, the contractions stopped and everyone went home so I could rest.   The next week was extremely hard to deal with.   I wanted my baby in my arms so badly.   Well meaning family and friends would ask about how I was doing, what was I going to do if the baby didn’t come soon, how long was I going to wait until going to the hospital, etc…   I was tired of the same questions from different people.   I began screening my calls after a while.   On General Conference Sunday, I didn’t go to a family breakfast because I wasn’t looking forward to more questions.   I stayed home and rested and cried, rested and cried.   I was so emotional, but I hung on.   After getting the kids in bed, David and I talked for a while.   He voiced his concerns, and I voiced mine.   We didn’t argue or anything, just cried together.   After a very emotional discussion I asked for a priesthood blessing.   I felt better and more at peace (like I had prior to the doubting thoughts snuck in by Satan–he doesn’t have a problem with getting someone when their vulnerable).   I listened to a hypnobirthing CD and fell asleep.   I woke up early with contractions.   Baby Wendy was born later that afternoon after 14 hours of labor (not all active labor) and no difficulties.

So my point…I knew with all my heart, that the Lord would bless me with my desire for a homebirth and that all would be well.   If I hadn’t been in the depths of despair (so to speak), I would never have had the incredible joy I experienced when she finally made her arrival that calm, beautiful day in April.   It gives me hope for the next pregnancy and birth.   I know I can do it, and I know that the Lord will always help me if I’m living righteously and listening to the Spirit.